What is this feeling?
by xXLexaLexiBabyxX
Summary: Santana Lopez doesn't know what to do about her feelings for Brittany S. Pierce, so she goes to Quinn Fabray. Quinn is the love doctor throughout the entire story? Includes Brittana and a hint of Faberry. Femslash, don't read if you don't like Glee.
1. Chapter 1: I miss you, Britt

** A/N: Okay, guys. I just had to write this. I'm a _huge_ Gleek, and I don't know if there is going to be a Season 4, but I absolutely hated the Finale. Poor Rachel…and I'm not at all surprised that Brittany isn't graduating, but what about Santana? Speaking of Brittany and Santana, I love this pairing, so I'm writing a Brittana fic! I just love how close the two are, and that they're best friends, and…well, I just love it! Oh, by the way, this story takes place back when the kids were a lot younger.**

** I do not own Glee, or any of its contents or characters.**

My name is Santana Lopez. I am twelve years old. I am in seventh grade at William McKinley Middle School. And I'll tell you what, it sucks. I hate everything about it. There are a bunch of jerks here, but there is one good thing about it. I knew I wanted to come to this school when I saw that they had a cheer squad (every school does, but this one was just different). For the high schoolers, their squad is called the Cheerio's. Pretty original, if you ask me. For the seventh and eighth graders, their squad is called the Honey Nut Cheerio's. I thought that was really lame, considering we're now on the same school as high school kids, so we're not that little anymore.

I hate everything about Lima, Ohio. There are so many idiots here, like Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman (or as he is forcing everyone to call him…Puck), Rachel Berry, Mike Chang (Asian kid), Sam Evans (I like to call him Trouty Mouth), Kurt Hummel (I'm pretty sure he's gay), Blaine Anderson, and then there's the annoying sixth graders that follow us around, Artie Abrams (he's in a wheelchair, but I show no sympathy for him), and Tina Cohen-Chang (other Asian…or is it the other way around?).

There are only two people in this school that I can tolerate, and those to people are my best friends Quinn Fabray and Brittany Susan Pierce. We recently named ourselves the Unholy Trinity, which nobody can break up. I love them like sisters. But…I'm confused. Wait a minute. I'm Santana Freaking Lopez. I am twelve freaking years old. I am supposed to like boys.

Recently, I've been noticing that I have developed some feelings for Brittany. She's my best friend in the world, even more so than Quinn. What sucks is that I can't have her. She's straight. I don't even know if I like her, I mean, I'm twelve years old, I shouldn't be worrying about crap like this. I sure as hell know that Berry is, because every day she tries to convince everyone that she's straight…and available, which nobody wants to know.

Now, I know what you're thinking. But there's a reason I can't have Brittany. She practically hates my freaking guts. She blocked me on Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr and Instagram, and all of that stuff. If it weren't for me being stupid, then maybe…maybe we'd be closer. When I say she hates me, I'm sure I don't really mean it because we're just as close as we were before our fight, except now it's just a bit awkward.

I just wish I could go back in time and reverse it…

_I walked down the hallways of William McKinley Middle School. I opened my locker, which of course, was right next to Britt's. She was at her locker, but she was completely ignoring me, and I had no idea why. Had I done something wrong…?_

_ "Hey, Britt," I said, and she finally turned around._

_ "H-hey, S-San," she said. She was trembling._

_ "What's wrong?" I asked. She looked at me with a confused expression._

_ "Don't you…already know?"_

_ "No, what?" I was completely confused._

_ "Santana Lopez…I…I…HATE YOU!" She shouted this, then slammed her locker shut. I cocked my head to the side as she walked away._

_ "Brittany! Wait up!" I shouted, as I chased after her._

_ "What do you want," she muttered._

_ "What did I do? Was it something really bad? Just…just tell me, Britt. I'm really sorry. I want to fix this."_

_ "You went around telling people that you thought I was just another dumb blonde…and that I was ugly…" Her words sting._

_ "Oh my god," I mutter. I remembered saying that. "Britt, I didn't mean it…"_

_ "Just…just go away. I never want to talk to you…ever…again," she said, then walked away. I wasn't going to stop her this time._

"Santana," I jump in fear and scream when I see her.

"Brittany…hey…I haven't seen you all summer! Are you glad school started again? I am, but it's different, we have so many classes. And the lunches are so much better, and I just couldn't wait to come here because now we get to see all of the new kids and meet boys and compare classes and then we could—" I blabber on for what seems like two hundred million years.

"Santana," Brittany repeats. "It wasn't your fault."

"Huh?"

"What you said about me. Quinn told me. She told me that she thinks you love me and that you only said that so the boys wouldn't think you liked me and that they could get you all for themselves," Brittany says.

"Oh my God, Brittany!" I look around, and I'm pretty sure she can see the blush on my face. "Who told you that?"

"I just told you," she says blankly. "Quinn did!"

Oh, Quinn Fabray. She's the oldest of the Unholy Trinity. She just turned thirteen over the summer, so she knows a lot more about all of that kind of stuff, like puberty and hormones and all that? Considering she already got her period anyways…

"Quinn!" I call out. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here," she says with an irritated look. "I'm just putting my stuff in my locker. What do you need, San?" Now she's just staring at me with an awkward face. Now she's hugging me and clinging on to me for dear life. "Oh, Santana, I missed you over summer! Anyway, what do you need, girl?"

"Can…can I talk to you in private?" I look around awkwardly.

"Oh, god, Santana, did you start your period? It's not fun, trust me. Just ask Britt and Rachel. They would know, but if you need advice on that, then I'm your go-to-girl."

"Wait…Britt started? And she didn't tell me…? And no, Quinn. I didn't start yet," I murmur, embarrassed. I am pretty small for my age, but my mom said that just means I'll be hot with big boobs and a nice ass in high school.

"Whew!" Quinn says, relieved, "You're much too small anyways."

I drag her into an empty classroom. "I think I'm in love with Brittany…and she told me that you pretty much told her that," I look up at Quinn, who is so much taller than I am…it's not even funny.

"Yeah, I told her. So? I was helping you, girl. I don't care if you're a lesbian, or bi, or whatever. I'll still love you."

"Yeah, that's nice and all, but why would you tell her that?"

"Because, San," she says, and there's a change in her face. "It's obvious that you love her, and I'll do anything to help you out."

"I…thanks, Quinn…I love you so much…" I say, and she hugs me tight and kisses my forehead.

"I love you too, San. Now go get her!"

I walk through the halls of WMMS, and there Brittany is, in the same place she was standing about twenty minutes ago.

"Brittany, can I…" I say.

"Santana, can I…" she says it at the exact same time as me.

"You first," I say.

"Let's go somewhere private," she says.

We walk into the girl's restroom, and fortunately, nobody is in there.

"What is it?" I ask. It must be something important, because Brittany never does anything like this.

"Do you know what…lesbians are?" she asks.

"Yeah, Quinn just told me, wh-why?" I have no idea why I'm stuttering; maybe it's just the hormones thing. I'll have to ask Quinn later.

"I think I am one," she whispers.

"How can you tell? You're only thirteen. You usually don't make that decision until you're an—"

She pins me to the wall. "Santana, you're amazing, do you know that?"

"Actually, no, I thought I was pretty ugly—"

"Shut up and kiss me," she says.

Her lips touch mine, and our pinkies interlock. Kissing a girl was weird. Brittany tasted so much better than a dumb boy's lips ever did. It turned me on, and I just wanted more. I kissed her with all my might and she kissed back just as passionately.

That was the first time I peed my pants at school.

My name is Brittany Susan Pierce. I am fourteen years old. I am in eighth grade at William McKinley Middle School. My best friend, Santana Lopez, and I have been crushing on each other ever since that time where we kissed in the bathroom and she peed.

"Silly," I remember saying, "the potty was right there, you're not supposed to go on the floor!"

"S-s-s-s-s-sorry…." She murmured, as more pee came from her legs.

Seventh grade was amazing. I managed to pass with a C average overall, which is great for me. Santana passed with an A average, as usual. She's so smart and beautiful…I don't know what I ever did to deserve her.

I don't know what's going on between us. Our relationship is confusing, I mean, sometimes she's my friend, other times we're fighting, and other times we're lovers. It's crazy. The only person I can really go to about this is Quinn. She's so easy to talk to. I mean, she's pretty much going through the same thing. She has a crush on Rachel Berry, which is weird, considering Rachel is an annoying brat. Quinn manages to see beside that, I guess.

"San?" I say as we're watching TV.

"Yeah, Britt?" she replies.

"How do you feel…about…us?"

"You're my best friend, duh," she says playfully. I scowl at her.

"I'm serious, Santana. Do you love me? Do I love you? What are we?"

"I…don't know…maybe we just need to let time go by and see what happens," she says. She sounds so wise, but I realize what she's saying. That she wants to spend less time with me.

"Oh," is all I can say.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes. Santana's does, too. We both get a text from Quinn.

_Quinn: Oh my God Rachel Berry just asked me out!1 :DDD_

"Rachel asked Quinn out…?" we both say in unison.

"That's funny," Santana says.

"Yeah…" I smile, though, because they look really cute together. Maybe that could be me and San…

"Hey, Santana," I say.

It's late, and she's about to fall asleep. Clearly, anybody can see it. "Yeah, Brittany?" she yawns.

"Even if we don't date," I say, looking down awkwardly, "I will always love you."

"I love you, Brittany Susan Pierce," Santana says with a slur, then passes out on my bed.

**A/N: Wow. I'm exhausted. I stayed up late to write this. I don't think it's that good, but, you know, only reviews will tell. **_**Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy! But here's my fanfic, so read it maybe?**_** Oh yeah, and don't forget to review! I'm up for suggestions. Do you guys want me to write more? Review! C yinz later!**


	2. Chapter 2: You're a woman, San

** A/N: Okay, guys! I'm back for another chapter of my Brittana fic! I'm going to try and make this as long as I can, but hopefully it all works out the way I planned. I would REALLY enjoy some reviews to know how I'm doing on this. Please, reviews make me happy! Okay, here we go.**

My name is Santana Lopez. I am fourteen years old. I am in eighth grade at William McKinley Middle School. Quinn and Rachel are starting to take their relationship to another level. Some of the boys are beginning to get jealous of Berry, because they want Quinn. Hah, like they'd ever want Berry and her Beak. But…when I look at them together, they're just so happy…and…I just want things to be like that for Brittany and me.

Lately I've been experiencing weird feelings. Like…weird feelings _down there_, but it's not like they feel bad. It's like…that feeling you get when you have to pee really bad. That's what happens whenever I get turned on or I see something that reminds me of Brittany. But also, there are weird feelings. I guess they're like cramps. They hurt really bad; just under my belly button. Also, sometimes when I go to the bathroom, there's a lot of…sticky stuff…like discharge. I think my period is coming, but I don't know what to do. So I go to Quinn.

"Q-Quinn?" I stammer, and I see her at her locker. She's alone, which is weird, since now she's with Berry all the time. I look around suspiciously. "W-where's R-Rachel?"

"She's sick, she can't come to school today," Quinn says, and she looks depressed. "Why, what's up, Tana?" I look down, and I blush. I'm still a lot smaller than every one in school, so I don't know how this could be happening. "Oh, god, Santana. Oh god…come with me right now." She grabs my tiny hand and drags me into the bathroom.

There are a few girls in here, so Quinn takes me and brings me to a different bathroom. Fortunately, nobody was in this bathroom, since nobody knew where it was. Quinn looks around, then walks me into a stall. She stands there, watching me closely and carefully. Now, if it were anyone else, I'd feel awkward with them standing there, but since it's Quinn, I don't care. It's fine.

"So, Santana…did you start your period?" she asks, worried.

"Um…not yet, I don't think," I murmur, then pull down my booty shorts and sit down on the (much nicer than the other girl's bathroom) toilet. I look down, and my panties are pretty much soaked, but not with blood, with the white sticky stuff. "W-what is that?" I ask Quinn, and she can tell I'm uncomfortable.

"Honey, that's called discharge. With that much discharge, I think your period is coming soon." Quinn hugs me, and I start bawling. "Santana, I know you don't want it to happen, but it's part of life. I'll help you, I swear. With anything you need, just come to me. Or, you can go to Brittany, or even Rachel."

"Um, I think I'll stick with you and Britt," I say awkwardly. I pull up my shorts and Quinn and I walk out of the stall. I'm washing my hands, but then I scream, because guess who is standing in the doorway? Brittany and Beaker Berry! They're just staring and Quinn and me, shock on their faces.

"San…" Brittany says, looking down on me. I was only five feet tall, and she was five feet and five inches tall. "Are…you okay?"

I feel the weird feeling down there, and it's a combination of the good feeling and the bad feeling. Suddenly, I feel something rushing down my legs. I look down, and sure enough, there it is.

"Santana!" Quinn gasps, then pushes me back into the stall. "Hey, babe," she says, kissing Rachel on the forehead, then returning to me.

"C-could you two leave, please?" I say weakly, which I would never ask Brittany. I only asked her now, because I didn't want her to see me like this.

"Okay," Rachel says, and her and Britt walk out. "Feel better, San!"

"What do I do, Quinn?" I ask, and I'm still bawling. "We have Honey Nut Cheerio's practice today! Man, I've never gotten over how stupid that name is," I murmur.

"You need a pad. But if you want to cheer, you'll need a tampon," she says, which makes me flip out, considering the fact that a lot of people say tampons hurt. "…I can put it in for you, if you want…"

"Really? Quinn, you don't have to…" I try to stop her, but she looks serious. She nods.

"Lay down. Open your legs," she says. She doesn't even seem one bit disturbed by this awkward situation. Now I feel like the room is on fire, because she's looking right at my vagina…and there's a bunch of hair there. "San, have you ever heard of waxing?" Quinn smirks when I shake my head as if to say no. "Maybe you should look into it."

"Q-Quinn…are you sure you're okay with this…?" I am seriously about to pee all over her. But she's so gentle with me, like I'm a baby (which I kind of am, considering my height). She nods. She makes a gesture for me to open my legs more. I follow her instructions. I try not to look as she unwraps the tampon.

"Okay, Santana, you don't have to look if you don't want to. This is the hard part. Okay, here we go."

Oh my god, she's touching my vagina. She's looking for the right hole to put the tampon in (I think). Now she's rubbing my whole area down there, as if she _wants_ me to pee all over her.

"Stop it…! You freaking tease!" I whisper this through grinded teeth. I yelp as she starts to insert the tampon. "Agh!" I shout in pain. I start crying and screaming, because now she's pretty much shoving it inside me. I'm still shouting and crying, but now she stops. Her hands are all bloody. I feel hot and sweaty.

"There," Quinn says, proud of her work. "You're done!" I'm bawling, so she hugs me. "Here, borrow a pair of my panties. I always come prepared. Take these shorts, too," she says. I'm so glad I have a friend like Quinn. "Love you San…"

"Love you too, Quinn," I mutter, then I walk out. "Hey, wait, aren't you coming to Honey Nut Cheerio's practice?"

"Nah, I'm not coming today. I…have something else to do."

"Okay," I say. "Well, I'll see you whenever."

I'm sprinting to the gym, because I already know I'm late. Having this tampon in feels so weird. It's very uncomfortable, I don't know how people actually deal with this! I burst through the doors and put my bag down. I stand in my usual spot next to Brittany.

"Are you okay, Santana?" she asks, worried.

"I'm fine. Let's just get through this dumb practice," I say, and Brittany hugs me. "I love you, Britt…"

My name is Quinn Fabray. I am fourteen years old. I am in eighth grade at William McKinley Middle School. I just finished putting a tampon into Santana. She's so cute, I hope she's okay…

"Hey, wait, aren't you coming to Honey Nut Cheerio's practice?" Santana asks. I had planned on going, but after that incident, something changed within me.

"Nah, I'm not coming today. I…have something else to do," I lie. It feels horrible to lie to such a small little girl. She's so sweet, well, to me she is. She's pretty much a bitch to everyone else, except Britt and me.

"Okay. Well, I'll see you whenever," she says, then she leaves.

I look around, and thank God nobody is in here, because I need alone time. I'm in such a bad freaking mood…I have no idea what I'm going to do.

So I break down on the floor and just lose it. I'm bawling my eyes out, even more than San was about ten minutes ago. Lately, things between Rachel and I haven't been going so well. I mean, I guess she has a reason to ignore me, I was being such an idiot. I was going around and telling people that she was pregnant, and Mike Chang was the father. Of course, some stupid idiots believed me, and word got back to her. So now, I'm sure our relationship is history, but…well, I don't know. Every time I see her face, I look at her, and I ask myself why I can't be that beautiful, or why I can't at least be friends with her. Well, I guess I was kind of mean to her throughout grade school, so that's part of it. I miss her so much. Every single time I even see a picture of her, I feel all hot, and I need to get to her and talk to her.

"I've made up my mind," I say to nobody.

I walk through the halls of WMMS, looking for Rachel Star Berry. I find her at her locker. I tap her shoulder. She turns around and sees me, and I smile, but then she slaps me. She slaps me! Rachel Berry slaps _me_! Usually, I'd slap _her_. I have no idea what's going on. I've noticed it between Britt and San, too. They seem to be confused about their relationship. But I'm not worried about that now. I need to fix things with Rachel.

"C-can we talk, Rach?" I mutter, and my voice starts to get quiet, since the bell just rang for class.

"Whatever for?" she mutters, expressionless.

"I…I'm so sorry, Rachel. I love you. I love everything about you. And I just want you. I need you. I'm sorry about the whole pregnancy thing, I truly am. I just need you. I'm going through a tough time right now. Please…"

She slams her locker shut. "Well if you _truly_ loved me, than maybe you wouldn't have said anything in the first place. Congratulations, Quinn, you have Tina suicidal because she was dating Mike, and she believed you! Way to go. I'll see you in 5th period." With that, she walked away.

I haven't seen Rachel Star Berry since.

** A/N: Oh my gosh. I have no idea what I just did with this. What do you think about it? Review, please! I love it when I get notifications that I got reviews! Please review! Okay, c yinz later!**

** Oh, wait. Do you like how I'm writing it? How it says "My name is (insert name), etc." I think I need to get more involvement from the other characters. And I think I need more from Britt, she didn't get a lot this chapter, or the last chapter for that matter. Well, anyways, review! C yinz later!**


	3. Chapter 3: Berry and the Bitch

** A/N: OH MY GOSH GUISE I'M SO SORRY. I HAVE TO UPDATE THIS RIGHT NAOW. I HAVE A GREAT IDEA. Also, just so you know, SPOILER: this contains PEZBERRY! I couldn't wait to write this. So here. I hope this turns out how I thought it would.**

** Oh wait. Before I continue, I just want to let you all know that I don't think I'll be writing my Shake it Up! Story anymore. Maybe, but I'm not sure.**

* * *

I don't know how the fuck I'm doing it.

My name is Santana Lopez. I will be fifteen years old in one week. I am in ninth grade at William McKinley High School. And, can I just say that, lately, my life has been a freaking train wreck. I…I just don't know how to describe it, I mean, I just started ninth grade a couple weeks ago, and I honestly think that high school is full of shit. Everyone has changed over the summer, _especially_ Brittany. And that's what bothers me.

You see, when school first started back up, Britt and I compared our class schedules, like we always do. Since our last names are pretty close together, we're in a lot of classes together. But our school doesn't really base it on that, since we're in the majority of our classes with Faberry—I mean, Quinn and Berry. But anyways, these past two weeks have been confusing, getting used to the high school and all. Brittany, Quinn and I all tried out for Cheerio's, and (no surprise here) made it. Also, the school is having something called a Glee Club, and I only joined it because Britt and Quinn did. Turns out, it's not that bad.

However, that isn't even what's bothering me. Brittany started dating Artie Abrams. And…when she told me, I guess I didn't take it too well, because she was _kind of _breaking up with me. But I knew that if she wanted to play dirty, then so would I. So, I started to make out with Finn, Puckerman, Trouty Mouth, and I even _considered_ Kurt, but…I still have that feeling that he's gay. I made sure Brittany was always around when I did it, and I was hoping to make her feel jealous. Now, I realize that she wasn't jealous, so I gave up.

And I guess I'm depressed now, because at the moment, I'm sitting on my bed, and I've been crying my eyes out for what seems like forever. I've been crying in school, too. And people are starting to notice. When I can't take any more of this pain, I get up and walk to my bathroom. _I just need to take a shower_, I think. _That'll make me feel better, right?_

I start to undress, and I look at myself in the mirror. I look at my boobs, which have developed a _lot_ over the course of the past two years. I guess I have a nice rack. But it's not good enough for Brittany. I turn the water on, and I step in the shower. The hot water hitting my skin feels pretty good, but it definitely isn't making my day any better.

I love showers. When I take showers, I just think about stuff, and pretty much talk to myself. I guess it's because I'm the only person that won't judge me (if that even makes any sense).

Now that I'm in the shower, I put shampoo in my hair and begin washing it. I start to think about everything that's been going on lately. I look at the ceiling, and remember it's Sunday, and because tomorrow is Monday, that means I have to go to school. Sunday reminds me of church, which I went to this morning, like I do every Sunday. Today, the priest was talking about homosexuality, and lesbians. _L-lesbians?_ I remember thinking in church.

"The Bible never said anything about homosexuality, and insists that God loves everyone," the priest said.

I sighed, suddenly confused about my sexuality.

"However, _my_ personal beliefs are that gays and lesbians should rot in hell. Being homosexual is a sin, and it goes against the laws of Christianity. Therefore, if a person is homosexual, I do not expect to see them in Heaven."

My heart sank. _Is that true?_ I remember thinking.

After I rinse my shampoo out, I put conditioner in. _No,_ I think with a weak smile, _I'm not a lesbian. I mean, I'm attracted to guys…right? _I think about earlier at the pool today, I was wearing my bikini, even though my mother insisted I wear my one-piece. I ignored her, and when I showed up, I swear that every single boy was looking at my boobs, and some perverted little boy wouldn't stop touching them. Now, I reach the sudden realization that they were probably just staring at my flabby stomach. I look down at my stomach.

Fat.

Fat.

You fucking fat ass.

What makes you think you can pull off a bikini?

Lose some weight!

I start washing my body, and now I realize I'm crying. I just want _her._ But she's with Wheels. Probably making out or something. Suddenly, I shake my head.

"No," I say aloud. "I'm not a lesbian."

I don't miss Brittany. I don't miss her. I want to kiss somebody. Probably Puck, I haven't kissed him for a while. Or maybe even Mike.

I step out of the shower, and I look at my fat body. _Santana Lopez, you weigh 115 pounds. Does that seem like a healthy weight to you? _

"No," I mutter, "it…it doesn't."

I decide to stop eating. Everything. Don't eat anything.

I look in the mirror again. "Lesbian," I say, the word feeling weird in my mouth. "No…I can't be."

I walk into my room, and put on pajamas. I'm about to cry myself to sleep, like I always do, but my phone startles me. I'm getting a text. Immediately, I turn the volume down, but I don't know why, since I'm the only one at home anyway. I look at my iPhone. The text is from Quinn.

_Q: H-Hey, Santana…_

I look at the screen. Why is she stuttering in text form? That's not cool, it's dorky. Unless…unless something is wrong.

_S: What's wrong, Quinn?_

_ Q: Why would you assume something is wrong?_

_ S: Well, first of all, you text stuttered. That isn't a good sign._

_ Q: Oh, no. Nothing is wrong. _I'm_ perfectly fine. But…_

_ S: But…? But what?_

It takes her a while to reply.

_Q: I don't think you are._

_ S: Quinn…I'm fine._

Liar. You fucking liar. She'll never believe you. I mean for crying out loud, you're bawling your eyes out…_again_!

_Q: You're lying. I'm coming over right now; we need to talk about this._

I smile weakly. Quinn. Just the girl I want to see.

When she gets here, we sit down on the couch in my living room and turn on the TV. My parents are out of town for the week, so I'm pretty much in charge of the house.

"Santana," she says, breaking an awkward silence. "I know you're not okay."

I look at her, and I just lose it. I start crying again, I just can't help it.

"Quinn, can I tell you a secret?"

"Yeah, go ahead San," she says calmly.

"…how much do you weigh, Quinn?" I ask, and she cocks her head to the side.

"Uh, that's not a question, but…wait, _why_?"

I look away and tears are _pouring_ from my eyes now.

"S-sorry," she says. "120."

I look at her skinny body. There is no way that she weighs 120. No. She's lying. She knows I'm anorexic.

"I…I think I'm anorexic," I say, and her eyes widen.

"Santana! What the hell! You shouldn't be! You're _so_ skinny, everybody would _die_ to have a body like yours!" she lies.

"How much do you _really_ weigh, Quinn?"

"I…100."

I knew it. I knew she was lying.

"San, can I tell _you _a secret?"

"Shoot," I say simply.

"Um…I'm dating Finn." I smirk. That wasn't a secret, everybody knew it. Wait…except…

"Wait, what about Berry?"

"I…I…she hates me. I miss her desperately. She doesn't even acknowledge my existence anymore."

"No. I…I'm not a lesbian," I murmur to myself, getting a weird look from Quinn.

"Santana, I know you miss Brittany. I can tell. You haven't really talked to her in a while, and considering the fact that you cry every single day because of it, everybody knows. Santana Lopez, you shouldn't be crying over Brittany. If she was dumb enough to break up with you, then she didn't even deserve you in the first place. So you know what? In school tomorrow, just ignore her. Even if she says something to you, ignore her. And if she makes you cry, come to me. And don't insist you're fine, because I know when you're lying.

"Santana Lopez, you are the prettiest girl in the world, and the best friend anybody could ask for. If anybody makes fun of you, then they'll have to get through me first before they even try to lay a finger on you. You hear that? I love you, Santana, don't ever forget that."

I don't even know what to say right now, so I just hug her.

"Thank you so much," I say, and I smile. This time, it's real.

* * *

My name is Rachel Berry. I am fifteen years old. I am in ninth grade at William McKinley High School. Today is Monday, meaning that I have to endure a whole week of school. I arrive at the school, only to be greeted by getting slushied by three guys. I'm used to it, but it's just so irritating.

I walk down the hall, and arrive at my locker, wiping the slushy off of my face, when guess who I see walking up to my locker? Santana freaking Lopez. I'm quick on my feet, and I turn around and look up at her.

"Please don't slushy me, Santana! Please!" I stammer, and she grins.

"Calm down, hobbit," she says. Her expression lightens up. "Actually, I need to talk to you. And it's very important."

She grabs my arm and drags me to the girls' bathroom.

"So, listen…Rachel," she says, and I know she must be serious, because she _never_ calls me by my first name. "I talked to Quinn yesterday."

I can already feel my face getting hot. However, I don't want to seem weak to Santana, so I pretend like I don't care. "Oh, really? What'd she have to say?"

"She said she misses you."

"I'm sure," I hiss. I bet she doesn't after she told the entire school that I was pregnant with Mike Chang's baby.

"No," she says, and I don't think she's lying. "She meant it."

"Well, who needs her anyway? She decided that she's going to be a bitch, and she's going out with Finn anyway."

Santana looks at the ground, and I see tears fall from her face. I notice this a lot lately, Santana always crying…I think it's because she misses Brittany. I don't want to say anything, because she might just cry more.

Suddenly, she says, "Brittany is dating Artie. She called me a bitch and broke up with me."

I feel my jaw open. I never thought Brittany would say those kinds of things. Especially not to Santana!

"Oh, Santana, I'm so sorry." I say, and I reach out to hug her. When she lets me hug her, I'm surprised by the fact that she even let me touch her. "Who needs Brittany either? Look, I know you miss her, but you'll just have to get over her, okay?" She doesn't look at me. I tap her shoulder, and she looks up at me.

I decide to take a huge risk. The movement is so quick that it's like it never happened. I lean in and I start kissing her. I don't know what came over me, but I felt like I should seize the moment. I let my hands gently wrap around her neck, and she's just sitting there in shock. Finally, I pull away. Santana gives me the wide eyed look, and puts a finger to her lips.

"W-what…?" she murmurs.

"Santana, we don't need those two, okay? Promise me something. If you ever feel that sad, don't take the anger out on yourself, don't be suicidal, because Tina was, and I'll tell you, it wasn't good. Just let me know," I say with a smile, then peck her lips. I walk out of that bathroom and grin, pleased with myself.

* * *

My name is Brittany Susan Pierce. I am fifteen years old. I am in ninth grade at William McKinley High School. And my heart just broke into five million pieces.

"…Brittany…dating Artie…called me a bitch…broke up," I hear Santana say. I'm walking to go to the bathroom to fix my hair, but this stops me. Curious, I stand outside the door.

Now, I can hear them clearly. "Oh, Santana, I'm so sorry." Now Rachel is talking. Wait, _Rachel?_ I think. Now, I'm probably the stupidest person on earth, but even _I_ know that Santana Lopez _despises_ Rachel Berry. "Who needs Brittany either?" _Either?_ I wonder. _Oh, she must be talking about Quinn, too._ "Look, I know you miss her, but you'll just have to get over her, okay?" She misses me. Santana misses me. God, what have I done? I was a total bitch to her!

Suddenly, I hear a strange noise. It sounds like kissing. I peek inside, unnoticed, and Rachel and Santana are sitting on the floor and kissing. Wait, what? This has got to be the weirdest thing I've ever seen. I feel terribly jealous, and I feel myself crying.

I hear them pull away, so I know it's my cue to leave. Fortunately, the bell rings for my next class. Unfortunately, I have class with Santana and Rachel. I hurriedly rush to class, and instead of sitting next to Santana, I sit next to Quinn.

"Hey Britt," she says with a scowl.

"I know you're mad at me," I say, and she looks up at me, and her face looks sad.

"Why are you crying?"

"…it's nothing," I lie. "I'm f-fine."

Quinn looks away, and I know she can tell I'm lying.

I grab a piece of paper and begin to write on it.

_Santana Lopez,_

_I am so sorry. I have never been so sorry in my entire life._

_I miss you. I need you._

_I know I was a bitch, and that if you read this that you'll probably throw it away. _

_I'm fine with that. I just want you to know that I care._

_And…I guess that if we can't at least be best friends again…_

_Then I'm saying goodbye._

_Because, why should I live if I can't have the privilege of loving you?_

_Love, (maybe goodbye forever)_

_Brittany Susan Pierce_

I care about this so much that I have Quinn spell check it, and even though she suggests that I don't, I sign it with my favorite crayon. Our teacher walks out of the room, so I take my chances. I pretend I had to sharpen my pencil (which I guess I do) and put the note on Santana's desk. I sharpen my pencil and pretend not to notice her.

When I get back to my seat, I look at Santana intently. She's reading the note. She turns to look at me, and our eyes meet. My eyes are puffy from crying, so I rub them, and smile weakly.

For her.

It's all for Santana.

I must be happy for her.

She smiles back, but she looks sad, and looks at the note again. I guess she didn't finish it.

Santana stands up abruptly and walks out of the classroom.

* * *

Oh my god, seriously? Brittany wants to kill herself? No. I won't let her. I'll beat her to it.

I run to the bathroom with a knife in my hand. I say a quick goodbye, and then point the knife toward my heart.

Only one thing stops me from continuing.

Rachel Berry.

Wait, what?

I look at the knife and drop it.

_Not today,_ I think. _Not yet._

* * *

**A/N: WHOAA. THAT WAS NOT HOW I PLANNED IT TO GO AT ALL. Well, I hope you guys liked it! REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY, AND I BET THEY MAKE****SANTANA AND BRITTANY HAPPY TOO! C yinz later.**


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